No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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