I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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