At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
