His pubic hair was longer than his dick
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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