"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
