I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
