I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
