yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I cannot find my penis.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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