K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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