Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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