dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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