We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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