I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
