Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
