How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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