a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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