Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
