how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
