i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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