I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
