First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
