I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
