from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
