I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
