Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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