my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
