I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
