I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
