I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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