did you get engaged???
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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