So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
