dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He passed out mid-signature
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
