If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
