The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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