she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
