my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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