I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
