i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
