why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
