every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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