So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
