you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
