i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
