The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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