Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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