I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
