wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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