If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
