i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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