Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
